This is My Ever-Growing Manifesto

Rambling Journal Entry #160820:

One of the many evils that I did unto myself during my first 50 years of childhood was perpetually purposing to please everyone to gain their acceptance and inclusion.

North Dakota Democratic-NPL State Delegate Selection Meeting Stump Speech

Good afternoon, friends and fellow Dem-NPLers! What an exciting day and event for us Democrats of North Dakota!

Sunday night summarizing.

So last week was a really difficult week. We had Franklin Graham in Bismarck on Wednesday, we had Donald Trump in Bismarck on Thursday. Friday was troublesome.

Rambling Afternoon Journal Entry #160531

Rambling Afternoon Journal Entry #160531:
Just like 99.999999% of the complete human population, I have strong trust issues.

A Future to Believe In

What would the USA be like had Harriet Tubman quit her fight rescuing slaves?
Would we have a future to believe in?

What would the USA be like had Red Cloud quit his fight for Native American lands?
Would we have a future to believe in?

What would the USA be like had Susan B. Anthony quit her fight for women’s right to vote?
Would we have a future to believe in?

What would the USA be like had Unions quit their fight for better labor conditions?
Would we have a future to believe in?

What would the USA be like had Martin Luther King, Jr. quit his fight for black rights?
Would we have a future to believe in?

What would the USA be like had Dennis Banks and Russell Means quit their fight for the civil rights of Native Americans?
Would we have a future to believe in?

What would the USA be like had marriage activists quit their fight for marriage equality?
Would we have a future to believe in?

What will the USA be like if Bernie Sanders quit his fight for nomination?
Will we have a future to believe in?

Coupled or Untethered

Reminding myself of several reasons it is good/ok/normal to be single, untethered, unsupervised:

With Apologies to Dr. Seuss

I am Kevin

I am Sam
Sam I am

That Sam-I-am
That Sam-I-am!
I do not like
that Sam-I-am

Do you like
boobies and gam

Soul Alive

Sunday is long gone.

Tuesday is here present.

Gathering has dispersed.

Loneliness has appeared.

Lost in the shadows.

Grace always present.

Turn toward Him.

Soul alive.

Weeping whimpers

Weeping whimpers darken the shadows.
You have seen the shadows in the fog.
Hidden remains the darkness, locked.
You have heard the whimpers in the fog.
Silenced remains the weeping, stifled.
Stifle the fog, lock the fog.
Unseen and unheard,
Remains clamoring light,
Erasing shadows.

I don't know

I don't know. I have never been clinically diagnosed or stuff.

Out of Context...

2nd Chronicles 7:14 -- Out of Context... America is not God’s chosen nation or land. Americans are not God’s chosen people. America is nowhere to be found in this passage nor is any other nation besides Israel. We need to remember that not everything in the Bible is about us. The Bible is about God first and foremost.

http://pleaseconvinceme.com/2013/a-text-out-of-context-2-chronicles-714/

Letters to the Editor

A few "Letters to the Editor" I have written...

What are we do with those we consider to be different from us?

What are we do with those we consider to be different from us? How are we as followers of Christ supposed to interact with the marginalized that make us uncomfortable? How can our lives be a living example of His good news?

The Testimony -- Oct 11, 2015

On a warm March day in 1988, there I was, a young 22-year old adventurer, standing alone on a sidewalk under the San Diego sun waiting for a bus. The Navy had just terminated my short career in the military by giving me an honorable discharge, and two intimidating military police unceremoniously escorted me off the base. Riding the bus to the airport as a rebranded civilian, I was ruminating and wondering who I was, where I was from, where I was going. A new chapter was starting in a journey, which began on a small-grains farm in North Dakota.

I must be an ambivert...

Reading through those lists of characteristics of introverts and extroverts, I have smattering of each in my personality characteristics...

Never Have I Ever

Been asked on a second date
Been a groomsmen
Been a godfather
Been married
Known that I was flirted on
Been arrested for a crime
Seen Mount Rushmore
Seen a Bond movie
Written a song
Traveled to all fifty states
Parachuted
Bungee jumping
Roller bladed
Been asked for my number
Kissed a frog
Had a secret admirer
Taken a lie detector test
Received a blood transfusion
Walked in on my parents
Attended a worship service other than Christian

Open Book #150907

My Life is an Open Book Ramble #150907:
2011 - "Death" of an apartment, beginning in a new one. Rekindled a dark relationship with depression.
2012 - A sizeable chunk of old friends departed because of what I had become with depression and muck. Suicide came knocking several times. Invited in for visits a couple times.
2013 - A year with a few significant health traumas. Loneliness started courting me. Ended a thirty-plus-year dependent relationship with alcohol.
2014 - Living life without alcohol, emotions experienced life raw and not numbed. Continued the relationship with depression, and nurtured simultaneous relationships with social-anxiety and fear-of-life. Discovered a new church family who gave welcome.
2015 - Social-anxiety and fear-of-life began to grow into sizeable, controlling critters. Loneliness and I grew quite fond of each other. July was tough hearing the fundamentalist crowd chanting a war-cry against LGBT because of marriage equality.
Then August hit. Hard. A close friend kicked me out of town to go on vacation by myself. Alone. Lots of praying and thinking and wondering among those miles. Since that journey, dependence upon anxiety, fear of life, loneliness, muck, they have lost interest in me, and I in them.
The journey continues as I continue to purpose to live without them, without alcohol, without muck. I am grateful that God, his grace, mercies and mysteries have never left me, have never shook me off. I am glad for the old friends who have stayed. I am giddy with the new friends life has given me. I am going to be fine. It is not about me, but Christ in me.

Yeah, it is visiting again.

So, thoughts have been ruminating. I enjoy life on my own.

God is Still in Control

Same-sex attractions and love have been throughout the course of world history. Today, we have become a religion worshiping scripture heralding the exclamation of "But the Bible says, or does not say..." as the primary modus operandi in which to judge someone different than us.

Mother's Day Memories

You know, being a confirmed bachelor who has lived many places, traveled many miles, it really has been a grateful life with the dozens of doting Moms who have nurtured me.

Obituary - April 2015

Kevin Roy Tengesdal [age], [Current Town], formerly of many places, has died [give full disclosure of death type and details].

Rambling Journal Entry #150406

Rambling Journal Entry #150406: I think there might a point or a question to this lengthy rambling, hope you can find it.

My Life is An Open Book Ramble #150402

My Life is An Open Book Ramble #150402: May I come clean, come out, and let you know the truth of the matter, the truth of my psyche? If not, please pass on, for the poop is about to get real and raw.

The resounding toll of silence

The resounding toll of silence slices deeper than a double-edge sword...

THE GAY AGENDA

THE GAY AGENDA: A tax-exempt gay community center in every city in America, preferably more than one. Mass mailings to every household inviting new recruits to said centers. Insist on the word "GAY" on all money, and in every National Anthem. Recruit only gay politicians to run the country. Door-to-door knocking campaigns to let potential recruits know that your gay club is the only club to attend. Specific rituals and initiations to become a member of the gay club. Über Gay personalities on every television channel recruiting more people to choose to become gay. Gay literature in every motel room across the country. If your interpretation and presentation of gay is not the same as others, divide said clubs into more exclusive clubs.

SENATE BILL 2279 House Human Services Testimony

HOUSE HUMAN SERVICES COMMITTEE
MONDAY, MARCH 23, 2015
SENATE BILL 2279: Relating to prohibition of discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation
Chairman Robin Weisz, Vice Chairman Curt Hofstad, Human Services Committee members and fellow citizens of North Dakota, Greetings. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share my story this morning.
My name is Kevin R. Tengesdal, a native of North Dakota now living in Bismarck.

Rambling Rumination #150308:

So, Jesus met a woman. Even asked for a drink from her. Yes. A woman. Even more scandalous was that she was a Samaritan and he was a Jew.

Celebrating 49 Trips

Rambling Journal Entry Weekend Recap #150223:

Well, that was a birthday weekend. Glad to be back to work this morning. Wow. Thank you, thank you, one and each and all for your notes, phone calls, emails, hugs and stuff. A "quick" recap:

How I Remain Passionate

Published on Feb 18, 2015

Join us as we talk to Jason Martozke, CHS Counselor, about supporting LGBTQ youth and his upcoming ND Counselors Association conference. We also talk with Rep. Joshua Boschee about SB2279 (which passed the Senate!) and why it's important to LGBTQ North Dakotans and their families, friends, and allies. Then we close the show with our series called Strength Through Stories. This episode features Kevin R. Tengesdal of Bismarck with "How I Remain Passionate."

The OUTLoud Podcast - Season 1, Episode 1

From the podcast, here is the text for the remarks that I shared:

SENATE BILL 2279 Testimony

SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2015

SENATE BILL 2279: Relating to prohibition of discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation

Chairman David Hogue, Vice Chairman Kelly M. Armstrong, Members of the Committee, and fellow citizens of North Dakota, Good Morning.

Friendly Friend

Just hear me out. No rebuttal or any thing. Yes, I do indeed have many acquaintances in the public realm eager to swarm me with a hug. The thing I have been longing for all my life is that one close close friend who drops in for nothing but to set a spell. Or to realize I am missing. This weekend, and many times, that fact is known. It is a known fact my corpse won't be found until after the fact. That is what I mean when I state that I long for a friendly friend. Carry on.

The Greatest Grace

 One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, “What commandment is the foremost of all?” Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” - Mark 12:28-31 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark12:28-31&version=NIV

Open Book Rambling Journal Entry #141227

Open Book Rambling Journal Entry #141227:

The end of 2011 through 2012 into 2013, one of my darkest and deepest dalliances with depression. Boozing, slicing, and attempting escapes. Many friends departed, several stuck closer.

Through 2013 into 2014, a time of purging and stripping me down to the core. Medical traumas and emotional roller coasters laid me bare and showed me who is there.

End of 2013 into 2014 was a departure from alcohol forcing me to experience life unnumbed. No more security blanket to hide me from myself and my anxieties. Meds, friends, and a kilt, have often helped.

Through 2014 has been a refreshing renewal and time of discovery. Rediscovering and renewing old relationships. Discovering and developing new friendships. Delving into deeper devotion of the Divine. Rejecting and removing myself of ruinous relations.

To name the many friends who have been there would be nice, but just know that I greatly value you for not giving up on me. To those of whom I have offended and grievously hurt, I know I can never apologize deeply enough to remove the wounds I gave you.  Yes, I am sorry. To each of you one and all, I am so grateful to you for the life you have shown me; and I am ever grateful to God my Creator for all that has been, is, and will be.

Now let's get 2015 started in great anticipation! It will be my 49th after all. HUGS!

P.S. Yes, I am on the inside amidst the rubble ruminating about a revolution to revitalize and rebuild. If you while on the outside looking in see something I am missing, please speak up. Please?

Thirty Days of Thanks 2014

Each new day in November, challenge yourself to snap a new pic of some one, some thing, some place for which you are thankful.

Before and/or During the 50th Year

Here is a list, in absolutely no particular order, updated on random occasions, of goals and/or accomplishments that I would like to see happen before and/or during my 50th year, 2016:

To the Gay Men Who Think They’ll Be Forever Alone

To the Gay Men Who Think They’ll Be Forever Alone
http://www.gayguys.com/2014/10/gay-men-think-theyll-forever-alone/

Again.

Validation

I know I am important. I know God gives a hoot about me. Why then is validation from others such a crucial importance to me? To know I am necessary. To know I am desired. To know I am valid. Life. Meh. What about you?

Ask

Shrouded among grays
Autumn awakens

Sharp with rawness
Autumn shudders

Sunsets until wintertide
Autumn knows

Autumned

Liquid gold sunrise ascending
Four corner winds howling
Crunchy variegated leaves tumbling
Autumn, active and alive

Is being GAY a CHOICE?

My response after viewing this video:  I know my story is not unique. When I was growing up in rural North Dakota in the '70s and '80s,

Don’t be like that "Hollywood’s Nice Boy Elite" actor, boys – it’s bad for your health [Satire]

Do not let your sons grow up to be like that "Hollywood’s Nice Boy Elite" actor.

Yes, he’s a beautiful, intelligent, sensible, wealthy and successful individual who can do whatever he wants with his life.

Live Free

To every person who has lived a life suppressing your own same-sex attractions for fear of retributions from family, from society, from religion, from politics, STOP suppressing and start living.

North Dakota: Legendary Among States

BISMARCK TRIBUNE – North Dakotans are more satisfied than other Americans when it comes to their state’s economy, schools and overall standard of living, but the love affair fades on the subject of whether the state is a good place for racial minorities, immigrants and gay and lesbian people, according to a new poll.

The Gallup poll released Monday was conducted from June to December of last year. It involved phone interviews with about 600 randomly sampled adults in every state.

Five Days of Self Appreciation

Mary Mitchell tagged me in a reflective exercise "Three things I Like About Myself, for Five Days." I am to tag three others each day to join along, if they wish.

Day One of Five, Monday:

humbled and tumbled

hidden and timid

taunted and haunted

Gratitude -- Five Day Challenge

From Monday, 04 August 2014 to Friday, 08 August 2014

Day 1 of 5 Positive Challenge

My three positives for today, Day One:

community

community

the addled boy upon the corner

Gratitude -- Seven Day Challenge

From Sunday, 27 July 2014 to Saturday, 02 August 2014...

Day 1 of 7: Challenge yourself to be grateful for three things, for seven days, and invite three friends to join you.

The Sum of Anxiety

Open Book Ramble #140801: What gives you the creepy-crawlies? Imagine a closed room full of them. Nerve wracking, eh? Imagine yourself in that closed room with them. They can't get to you. Imagine yourself in that closed room with them within an event that you so really enjoy. The creepy-crawlies are there, but you know they can't get to you, so you enjoy the event, but you know the creepy-crawlies are all around you. Exhausting? Draining?

Slumber

Slumber
Slumber jolted harshly awake

Rambling Journal Entry #140405

Have you something that you love doing so much that people may deem you whacko? A'yup, me too. My career and my thespianism, those are my great blisses. Maybe it might be from 1 Corinthians 10:31 or Colossians 3:23, but I am grateful for these talents that YHWH has given me, and I am compelled to use them for His glory.

By the stroke of the weekend...

So, here's the story. First off, THANKS to y'all who made connections and compassion!

Late Night Ramble #140226

It has been brought to my attention again that it is upsetting with all the LGBTQ stuff on my page:

Ranting Ramble #140225

Kevin, just realize the simple fact. It's plain ol' political posturing, the actions of desperate heteronormative cis-gender folk.

Rambling Work Rumination #140129

May it never cease to amaze me, the abilities of current and future graphic design to be able to take a printed piece, or an object, and scan said subject, and to be able to recreate it in a vector-based illustration, or a refreshed raster image for use in many formats. Whether it be a page from a 1937 journal with feathers to be used in a book, or it might be a logo on a letterhead that no one has any original digital version, it all amazes even me and gives me that thrill. ‪#‎GraphicDesignerThrills‬

Obituary - 30 Dec 2013

Kevin Roy Tengesdal, Bismarck, formerly of many places, has died.

Rambling Journal Entry 131205

Pauline Gospels and Christ. This morning in my Bible reading I was in 2 Corinthians 5-9. These verses in chapter 6 particularly jumped out at me:

The Old Gay Man Ponders Entry 131116

So, imagine a world where being gay was never a social stigma. What could that world possibly be?

Rambling Rant Entry 131102

Disclaimer. This rant is not directed to those few for whom I know for a fact are the good exception.

Dear Mr. President Obama

Recently, Congressman Kevin Cramer issued a press release where he invited President Barack Obama to make his first Presidential visit to North Dakota. As a common-citizen of North Dakota, I chose to rewrite a similar letter to our President:

Dear Mr. President,

Rambling Journal Entry #131014

Rambling Journal Entry 131014: This was my reply to one friend in particular, but this is my sentiment to the many who are under 30 who lament about being alone and never finding anyone.

Family Hope

I too have the hope, desire, wish, longing that my siblings would be NALT.

Rambling Journal Entry 130926

So there I am in my morning Bible reading, in the Book of Nehemiah, when it starts describing rebuilding the portion of the city walls of Jerusalem across from the Tomb of David. I could see it, as that was just in the backyard of our campus. For me, from that year in Palestine with the Institute of Holy Land Studies and education at Columbia Bible College, the Bible is a living entity, not just a bunch of dusty words.

Rambling Journal Entry 130914:

Say, have you heard that ol' adage about North Dakota where in every town there is at least one church and one bar?

An Open Book

That's why I put it all out there like an open book, and some people keep on reading, others shut the book, and others toss the book (-;

Late Night Ramble 130811:

A'yup, so what. I have a woe is me moment. Thankfully I have close enough of friends who know full well that for every one of those mucky moments, I have a dozen "holly carp, that was some kind of amazing" moments as well. Sometimes life isn't fair, but that is not going to prevent me from sliding into homeplate at the end of this journey in a blaze of ruckus and glory, giggling, "Now THAT was fun, thank you Jesus!"

Late Evening Rambling Rant 130808

 I for one have lived many elsewheres, and have returned to North Dakota. As much as some citizens of Bismarck/Mandan complain against Bismarck, and in their minds, its lackings, I will remain in favor of our city and continue to advocate. So proudly and gladly says this Norwegian-American gay Lutheran Christian Democrat living in a German-Russian heteronormative Roman Catholic Republican city. I will state the facts as I experience them; and if you decide that I am complaining, it goes to show how little you know me.

Crunch went the weekend...

One-handed typing here, so I apologize for my typing slower than you are reading this...

So, last week I had posted on Facebook my wish to be kidnapped away for a long weekend anywhere. Friday morning, my cousin June Miller contacted me asking if I could take Monday off from work.

Just in Case

So, Kevin R. Tengesdal died.

#cursedifidocursedifidont #passiveagressiveramble #130620

 So, yeah, about that. My counselor says that I have that problem lots of people do. 

Queer Bibliography

Some Links

#mylifeisanopenbookramble 130612

Family reunion over the Fourth of July wknd.

An Open Ramble: Sodom & Gomorrah, Modern Disasters, and Fundamentalist/Evangelistic Preachers

This is an open ramble asking for your input.

Emotional Ramble #130504

 By the way, just in case you are wondering, and think I am egotistical and self-centered and whiney, there is one wonderful woman of whom has been a most endearing and cherished friend through this month of body-pause who has been checking in on me pertenearly almost every day and has always greeted with me a smile and a hug and has helped keep others informed. I will not mention her name for fear of embarrassing her, but I have texted her and let her know how wonderful she truly really is so very much. No, I have not been alone in this new chapter of a slightly physical set-back, and I apologize for giving off those impressions. Each of you who have been there in your special personalized way, you are most appreciated and cherished. Just letting you know, you know?

The Month That Followed

Here is a summary of the month after the migraine/seizure/stroke/spell episode thing, as gathered from Facebook status updates or such:

The Month That Followed

Here is a summary of the month after the migraine/seizure/stroke/spell episode thing, as gathered from Facebook status updates or such:

I spent a few days in the hospital

I spent a few days in the hospital this weekend, and I had some Deep Philosophical Personal Rambling Ponderings that I would also like to share with y'all:

By the stroke of the weekend...

So, here's the story. First off, THANKS to y'all who made connections and compassion!

Philosophical Ramble 130327

Do you ever think to yourself that you don't know anyone who is on welfare, who has had an abortion, is gay? Do you ever wonder how many close friends or family who are on public assistance, who has struggled with making the difficult decision to abort their pregnancy, or is LGBTQ but are simply terrified to admit such to you and are scared to dare be authentic with their life around you because they full well know your disdain and condemnation? For those of us who have the Christian faith and have received YHWH's deep grace and mercy, why do we cling to such belittling of our fellow humans when Yeshuah came to save and not to condemn? Does our piety draw any one person closer to YHWH?

Twenty Five Years

Twenty-five years ago today, after fifteen months and eighteen days of service with the U.S. Navy,

Rambling Journal Entry 130316

 Oh NOrth Dakota, these tears I shed for thee as the SuperMajority clamors against the elderly, women, children, LGBTQ, the needy and gives favor to dogma and to oil, these tears do they drive me to depart thy borders, or do they empower me to stay and fight, or do they relinquish me to a perpetual status of meh. If it were not for an engaging job, the inclusive family of performance artists, and the energized progressives, I would be gone. For the lack of romance, is that a reason to depart? Add that with the Republicans marching against the citizens of NOrth Dakota, I wonder.

Rambling Journal Entry 130304

So, there I was at lunch today minding my own business, was reading a book Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate, and this quote from Roger Ebert was in the chapter and clobbered me:

SENATE BILL 2252 Testimony

SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2013

SENATE BILL 2252: Relating to discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation

Committee members and fellow citizens of North Dakota, Greetings. My name is Kevin R. Tengesdal, a native of North Dakota now living in Bismarck.

KEVIN R. TENGESDAL, SOLE PROPRIETARY PERSONAGE
RESOLUTION NUMBER: 2013-01-01-01
SUBMITTED: BY KEVIN R. TENGESDAL
SUBJECT: SOCIAL IMPROVEMENTS
 ***************************************************************

Rambling Disconnected Rant 121215

Shouldn't we address morality and ethics in our society before we ban all guns lock, stock, and barrel? What about addressing better access to mental health care? Drugs are illegal, yet still are consumed. Smoking is banned for the purpose of reducing smoking, yet people still smoke. Underage drinking is banned, yet kids still drink alcohol. Speed limits are enforced yet people still speed even after getting ticketed. Will banning guns or restricting their relatively easy access actually stop the shootings?

What makes you happy to be gay?

Sometimes just need to remind myself the blessings of living as a gay male in a heteronormative society...

Radishes

Let me share a horror story of radishes. Yes, the sweet and innocent red vegetable from summertime. Radishes.

Buy All The Presents!

Luke 2:8-15ish In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”

When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began to be filled with stress, panic and worry saying to one another, “Oh good grief, what are we supposed to buy for him? We need to find that perfect gift. The gift that will be so much better than all others! BUY ALL THE PRESENTS! Hurry! We must stampede the marketplaces in search of the greatest everything! We need an entire new wardrobe too! Can we remodel the house before too?”

Is that the true nature of the birth narrative? Is that what God was expecting for us in remembering the birth of His Son in human flesh on earth?

Luke 2:15-20 When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger. When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.

I have written in another post before: "The humble circumstances of the birth scene was quite appropriate for the One “who for our sakes became poor” (2 Corinthians 8:9). God was demonstrating true, eternal values in his arrangements for the incarnation of his Son, values that emphasized family relationships and being culturally relevant. As well, the circumstances of his birth imply that Yeshuah understands and identifies with the poverty in which most of the world lives today and always has lived. Finally, the simplicity of Yeshuah’s birth demonstrated the fact that though He was God in human body, He could be approached by anyone and would welcome all who would come to Him."

It's Christmas. Don't panic. Don't stress. Seek and enjoy the simplicity of the quiet of the Season to remember the birth of God With Us.

Rambling Journal Entry 121103

Being single for 43 years of my 46? Miserable? Ha! I've learned to be independent, exploring the many ways that I am me, full of self-worth as well as enjoying a healthy career, community theatre, and financial stability. Spectacular times. I may have missed out on a lot of the trial and error on the dating scene that many experience when they're younger. That being said I've got a pretty good understanding on what I'm looking for in a guy, knowing what works and what does not. I have a lot to offer my future husband and he had better match up.

Roxy

My sister-in-law died yesterday after ten months with lung cancer. I just wanted to share with y'all a blip from an email from her showing how great of a lady she was:

"Some StraightBros get it" Case #121019

One of my girlfriends messaged me this regarding her husband:

Rambling Reasoning 121016

I am 46 years old and I have traveled life well. I know about being abandoned, and I survive. I mainly survive by mostly sharing the good and primarily bottling up the bad. For when you've been abandoned enough, you know that keeping it inside is the safest and most secure as you are the one standing there. And guess what, the sun rises and life continues.

Doc lowered my Lexapro

My primary care doctor has allowed me to reduce Lexapro because of the increased endorphins I have been getting from working out at the gym. But, he also said that I need to ask friends to observe me and to let me know of any changes whatsoever, so as to not have any repeat of last winter. Well, the friends that saw what happened last year, they walked away. So, lesson learned. Shan't, shall just remain my simple quiet self, and post such ramblings on random blogs.

Aged Wine

A friend observed: "Ever thought that you're like wine, just aging for the right moment? You're in better shape now than you have been in years, financially better now than you have been in years, you look a decade younger than you are. Just saying..." Guess they are correct (-;

Rambling Journal Entry 120724

So, this sludge-butt couch-potato just wants to admit how surprising and relatively easy it has been to drag his carcass out of bed in the dark morning and head to a gym for cardio and weight training. And surprise, surprise, surprise. I feel different, I feel good in many realms, I feel less sludgy. Dufus me, waiting until the start of the latter half of my planetary existence. Uff da. A'yup.

My rose-colored glasses got bumped...

Yeah, well, so I am 46 and gay and out and authentic. I have experienced the gamut of reactions from family and friends. However, last evening, I received a FB message from my niece's husband that kind of shook me up.

Social Gadfly Ponder Ramble

"HATE", it's just a word. The verb's definition is powerful: "to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest". However, consider it next time. Do we really have "intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility" towards the recipient of our hate? For what reason do we want to pollute our heart with hatred?

Simple Facts Passive Aggressive Ramble.

I live paycheck to paycheck paying off bills and $44K in debts, along with those necessities to maintain a sense of living. Occasionally I do lapse and splurge on something, as a night out or such. My debts are my own fault. I own that. One negative fact about being in debt that grates on me personally -- the inability to be able to donate to worthy causes. If I had not gotten myself in debt, oh the number of causes I would love to support. That is life.

Passive Agressive, Forever Lonely, Selfish Rambling Rant:

I've traveled this sod 45 years. I have seen tons of "best-friends" movies.

How Silent Was That Night?

 A Look Back at The Nativity Story...

It was an intriguing story worth investigating. A young married couple, the wife in hard throes of labor, had been rejected admission to a hotel. They were forced to lodge in a barn where the young woman gave birth to their first-born child. It is difficult to imagine a hotel manager being so cruel and heartless as to deny the basic comforts necessitated for such a situation. Fortunately for us Americans, this happened in a foreign culture, a culture we could consider base.



After careful studying and living in the culture of this young couple, and learning from those more educated in this area*, I discovered Western tradition has influenced the telling of this story. From these studies I hereby submit a synopsis closer to what may have actually occurred on a night that may not have been so silent.

Beth Lechem Suq

This young couple began their journey in the small town of Nazaret. Yoseph and Miryam had been recently wed when the Governor of Judea called a census for all residents of the small nation. It was required for each male to return to his ancestral home for this census. For Yoseph and Miryam, it would be in Beth Lechem some 75 miles south. Yoseph, though young, knew that it would be wiser to begin this trip early in Miryam’s pregnancy.

The arduous journey would be approximately a week or so. Fortunately they would not have to travel alone as there were other residents of the Nazaret region who also had to return southward to Beth Lechem for this census. Traveling in a caravan would offer security from bandits; and it would provide comfort for Miryam as there would be several mother-figures to dote over her being with child.

The easier route would be to travel eastward through the Yizreel Valley to reach the Jordan Valley and follow the river down to Yericho. After a period of repose, they would turn southwest and begin the exhausting ascent to Yerushalaim. A stop in Yerushalaim would allow them to visit with Miryam’s relatives, Zekaryah and Elisheba; and a required yet cherished pilgrimage to the Holy Temple overlooking the Eastern Hill. After a time of warm hospitality, they would continue their journey southeasterly to Beth Lechem, a trek of only five miles.

Once in Beth Lechem, they would lodge with Yoseph’s relatives. According to the account written by Luke, they stayed at an inn. A bit of clarification for the “no room in the inn” part of the story – the original Greek word that the author Luke used in this passage is “kataluma”, which is used elsewhere in the Last Supper stories (Luke 22:11 and Mark 14:14). “Kataluma” in its original context refers to an upper room or to a guestroom. When Luke refers to an inn as in the Good Samaritan parable, he uses the Greek word, “pandocheion”, which is a word that refers to a public place where all are received.

In the days of Yoseph and Miryam, inns were located along the well-traveled routes such as up near Yerushalaim or Yericho. As well, these inns were frequented more often than not by the wealthy, especially Romans or other foreigners. This couple was of quite modest means and they had family in town. For this culture it is an honor to offer hospitality; and it is considered an insult to reject such an offer, especially for the women who knew Miryam was pregnant with her first child.

Sometime after their arrival in Beth Lechem, it was the celebration of the autumnal Feast of Tabernacles or the Feast of Booths. This was a time for the Jews to celebrate the harvest and to remember their ancestors’ journey from Egypt to Canaan. During this week of celebration, on their rooftops they crafted booths made of branches and boughs of trees. They would dwell in these temporary shelters to remember how their ancestors dwelt in the wilderness for those forty years of wandering. This may have been the upper room where “there was no room”.

The home of Yoseph’s relatives had to have been a maddening chaos what with this crazy census gathering many distant relatives to this humble abode. But it was a joyous time for them as they began many preparations to celebrate the Feast of Booths. The home was small, built in a typical split-level style. The main level was the family’s living area and usually in this upper level was an area considered to be the guestroom of sorts. The lower level would have housed the livestock. Stables, as we have come to know them, were not in use in Judea. Flocks of sheep were protected in sheepfolds made of stone walls. Other animals were brought into a section of the house for safety and to provide warmth. Being Yoseph was undoubtedly the younger of the relatives, the elder guests were given priority to the guestroom, or to the booth crafted on the rooftop.

So amidst this impromptu family reunion, “the time came for the baby to be born.” This phrase indicates that Yoseph and Miryam chose not to return immediately back to Nazaret after the census as she was entering the third trimester. It was not an opportune time to be traveling the rugged terrain. In this culture, women of the family would never leave a young mother alone to deliver a firstborn child. The house was abuzz with excitement for the birth of this firstborn baby. Add to this excitement, the anticipation for the birth of their long awaited messiah, a message promised to Yoseph and Miryam by the angel.

When Miryam entered the first stages of labor, the women helped her down to the lower level as there was more room and privacy in the stable. The men paced the floors while one of the elder women helped usher this child into the world. It was God donning human flesh coming to live among them. They were struck with awe when they gained their first glimpse of this innocent baby boy. He looked just like them—black curly hair and shining dark eyes, so perfect and full of life.

Meanwhile in the rocky hills along Beth Lechem were a group of shepherds watching their flock of sheep. Shepherds were considered the lower end of the social scale; after all they did smell like sheep. But it was to this group disdained by society that God sent his angelic messengers to announce the birth of his son here on earth. Some speculations as to why God chose this group of lowlife: Yeshuah’s ancestor David had kept his father’s sheep on the same hills near Beth Lechem; and these shepherds may have been tending sheep destined for Temple sacrifices, so their relating news received by angels would be quite credible.

What are the implications of understanding the culture and the background of this much-heralded birth? For one, Yeshuah was born, grew up, worked, lived and died in a cultural context quite similar to that of the majority of people in the world today. Imposing a “Western” worldview on the circumstances of his birth tends to distort the depth of the event for ourselves. As well, it deprives non-Western people of an opportunity to identify with the people of the Bible. Through an understanding of the circumstances of this birth, they are afforded this chance.

The linguistic and cultural backgrounds of Scripture indicate that the Messiah was born in a home that reflects the simplicity of a majority of homes today. He was born in the context of an “extended” family and was cherished as a firstborn male child. Yeshua was born as the result of a supernatural conception, but according to normal physical processes.

The humble circumstances of the birth scene was quite appropriate for the One “who for our sakes became poor” (2 Corinthians 8:9). God was demonstrating true, eternal values in his arrangements for the incarnation of his Son, values that emphasized family relationships and being culturally relevant. As well, the circumstances of his birth imply that Yeshuah understands and identifies with the poverty in which most of the world lives today and always has lived. Finally, the simplicity of Yeshuah’s birth demonstrated the fact that though He was God in human body, He could be approached by anyone and would welcome all who would come to Him. Will we go to the Messiah this Holy Season and allow Him to dwell in our lives all year through?

--by KRTengesdal

*These thoughts have been gleaned from studies under Dr. Fr. Madros and Prof. Lancaster of Jerusalem University College; from studies and lectures under Dr. Hulbert, Dr. Beyer and Dr. Williams of Columbia International University; and from www.ChristianAnswers.net.

Originally published in the Minot Daily News, December 1999.