By the stroke of the weekend...

So, here's the story. First off, THANKS to y'all who made connections and compassion!



Wednesday evening, I got home from "Gypsy" rehearsal, fixed supper, watched a couple TV shows, and to bed about 10:30. Thursday morning, I rise and get ready to head to the gym. I reached for the doorknob, and the room started spinning, chest pain and tightness, short of breath and got all clammy. I texted both my workout partners, Amber Hill and Amanda Bakkedal, to let them know that I was not going to make it to the gym. Laid down on the couch and woke up two hours later.

Finishing up a magazine at work, so showered and got myself off to work. Still tightness in the chest and still a tad dizzy-ish. As the morning progressed, the left side started declining in strength. Nancy Schneider and Kitty Perry insisted that I should get myself to the hospital. I agreed to head to the Mid Dakota walk-in clinic at lunchtime as I was waiting on a couple final proofs for the magazine.

Now, you ask, why the dickens was I being so stubborn? Other than the fact that I am Norwegian, the other times that I have had any chest issue concerns it has either been only anxiety attacks or pleurisy attacks, and not the BIG one. So, it was of no fret for me.

Fast forward to Thursday evening about seven or seven thirty, I texted Amber Hill to let her know where I was and what was happening. Then Nancy Schneider from work walked into my room. I said, "Oh, you're here." She replied, "Well, I said that I would come back." "Come back? What do you mean?" "I headed home while you were in the MRI and said that I would come back, don't you remember?"

Nope, I did not. The last thing I remember was about noon when I had convinced Nancy and Kitty that I would be going to the walk-in clinic, and about the last half hour that I was in the ER by myself. So, I guess I was a tad bit gone. Nancy informed me that she had come into my office and saw me working away with my right hand on the keyboard and mouse, with my left hand hanging limp in my lap. At that point she decided to get me to the clinic. At the clinic, they told her to get me to the ER at St. Alexius.

Through the afternoon at the ER, I went through a heart EKG, a CAT scan and MRI of the brain to look for stroke stuff, and a lot of blood work to check for heart conditions. Nope, no memory of any of it.

So, Thursday evening, Nancy sat with me, and Amber drove to my apartment to gather a few things for me. A lot of that evening is a blur as well.

Friday morning, I emailed my sister Kristine to have her phone Nancy at work, since Nancy knew more than I did apparently. That's why I posted just the pic to the Facebook since I knew Amber would be able to better keep friends informed.  Also that morning, they ran an ultrasound on my heart and on my neck, looking for blood clots and heart damage. After that was a brain wave EEG, and nerve conduction tests on my left arm and left leg since they were not operating correctly. A social worked came by with a Stroke Patient Guidebook, and a Health Care Directive for Appointment of Health Care Agent, for Health Care Instructions, and for Organ or Tissue Donation. I panicked,  and she reassured me that this was standard procedures and I wasn't knocking on death's door. However, the morning was brightened with a definitely gorgeous nurse, Kevin (-;

Amber came by  around lunch, and told me more about Thursday evening. I guess my speech was pretty whack. I would get a few words out and then I would just zone, staring off, for a few seconds before coming back to the conversation as if nothing had happened. Occupational Therapy came by to make some assessments. The right hand had a 68# grip while the left hand had 6#, a slight bit of difference.

Texted with my sister Connie back and forth for a good while of what I could remember what was going on.

Mike Eberle dropped in to check in. Cathy, a BodyPump trainer from Gold's Gym also stopped by. While they were there, two "oh-my-goodness" Physical Therapy guys stopped by to run me through some paces.  Yeah, I didn't do so well attempting walking with the walker.

Mike decided that as poorly as I did with the walker and PT, that there was no way that I would go home to my apartment on my own and that I would be staying at his place until I was able. After some more visiting and reassurances, they headed on out. Shortly later, Nancy and Kitty from work dropped by. Everyone at work was concerned about my car sitting in the parking lot at the shop all weekend, so they decided to get my car home and check my mail.

Just as they left, the doctor who was assigned to me, Dr. Farhan Tariq, arrived with the news. All the tests were normal. No heart attack, no strokes, no blood clots, no seizures. Even said that my heart was in good condition. He said that with all my symptoms and normal test results, he could only conclude it to be a hemiplegic migraine which manifests itself with stroke symptoms, and oftentimes is caused by stress. He asked if I was under stress. I told him that I had been working on the magazine at work, and was in rehearsals for a play. He stated that I needed to reevaluate stuff at my age. At my age, pshaw. Anyways, he saw no reason for me to stay the weekend and waste my money as there were no other tests to run or such. I asked him about the left side weakness, and said that I had a friend who insisted that I stay at his place.

Just then, Amanda's boyfriend TJ who works as a PT at St. Alexius stopped in say howdy. The doctor then asked TJ if he could run me through some PT maneuvers so he could actually see where I was. They both quickly agreed that I needed to stay another night. Then TJ ran through the entire list of everything that would be weighing on my mind from the past while -- work, politics, theatre. Doc looked at me and asked once again, "Do you really think you need to be doing EVERYthing?" The doc stated that he would have another PT run on me in the morn, and if things had not improved he might order a full spinal MRI. We agreed for that course. After he left, TJ went on a course of stating how the doc was the best stroke specialist around, and he trusted the doc's orders, and that it was good news for just this hemiplegic thing since there was no heart damage, brain damage, or blood clots.

Nancy returned with my car keys and mail. Told her everything that I could remember with the doc. She too agreed that I needed to stay. After she left, Amber Hill dropped in with a bright yellow flowering plant and a serving of Edy's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream. YUM. While she was there, Mike's Mom, NASCAR Mama, Bernie phoned and said she had talked with Mike. She was checking in, and agreed with Mike that I would stay with Mike. I said I would. She said "You promise" "Yes, I will" "No. Say you will promise!" "I promise that I will stay with Mike, Mama Bernie." To know Mama Bernie, is to immensely love Mama Bernie. Amber and I visited for a while, she napped for a bit. Anna McDaniel stopped by with a card and an Easter cookie.

Slept solid through the night, which was refreshing. Saturday morning, tried keeping tabs on those who were checking in. Phoned my sister Kristine to give her the storyline. The CNA got me up for a shower. That felt good, but maneuvering around with the walker and balancing on the right leg was a tad bit tiring. A friend Carol stopped on by to visit. While she was there, another PT guy stopped by to make another assessment. Actually got me out in the hall with the walker, but could make only half his requested distance before just getting winded. The left leg, dern thing, had to keep reminding it what to do. Renee Brady stopped in for a howdy on her way to visit her mother-in-law. Nurse Kevin talked with the doc, who was out of town, and the doc felt it really unnecessary for me to stay any longer. So, Carol and I made arrangements for Mike to come get me.

Spent the day and overnight and Sunday at Mike's on his recliner with he and the two black labs giving me loving. Saturday afternoon cousin Myrna Staton phoned to check in. Mama Bernie phoned Sunday morning to check in on me. Jackee had DJ run a pair of crutches over to me. Later Amanda Bakkedahl phoned as well. Then late in the afternoon, Mike and I headed to Applebee's for supper and then on home.

You didn't know? Well, I wasn't really all there, and I tried my best to keep posted on Facebook with the SmartPhone. 'Tis cool.

Those are the facts, I think? For those who don't want to hear deep philosophical thoughts, that will be all.

Deep Philosophical Ponderings: During all that time lying and thinking, a lot of pondering went on. I stared at that Health Care Directive and realized how single I am. Right now, sure there are people that could be added to it to make those decisions. But, if I stay here in NOrth Dakota, and being the youngest sibling and cousin, when I do finally get old, I definitely will be alone with none to make those decisions.

I have been able to tolerate the political conservative climate here in North Dakota for a good while, but this current Legislative session makes me question my toleration.

I know I have a disconnect with the gay community here in Bismarck, for many reasons I am sure, but mostly because I am too out, authentic nor discrete about being gay. As well, I have disconnect with immediate family descendants of Dad and Mom, probably for the same reason. I have tons of straight friends who welcome me openly into their circles. The fact was shown this weekend. I am able to count on one hand the number of gay friends who made any sort of connection whatsoever, even with a simple "LIKE" on any of the postings. Is that a true barometer of connect, I don't know.

So, why do I even stay, since there is no hope whatsoever for a decent relationship-for-life in this town. The gay guys that are out, so many have force-fit themselves into a relationship for the sake of avoiding being single. Or, the gay guys are so deep in the closet, oftentimes because they are married. And within my age bracket, there are no gay guys who are out and authentic and received by straight friends whilst being gay. The fact is simple, I am a hopeless romantic who simply does not want to be old, gray and alone.

Washington state? Colorado? Savannah, Georgia? Maryland? I have not the funds for moving, nor even for the upcoming deluge of out-of-pocket expense from this hospital visit. Whee.

Thinkings will continue. Just keep on continuing to cling to YHWH, that is my course of action.