To the Gay Men Who Think They’ll Be Forever Alone

To the Gay Men Who Think They’ll Be Forever Alone
http://www.gayguys.com/2014/10/gay-men-think-theyll-forever-alone/

Again.
A twenty-something lamenting that they are forever alone. I have been alone as long as you have been on this planet. I am involved in many kinds of activities simply because I love living life. I enjoy it all. And you're going to tell me I am alone because I don't love myself?

I am just venting as I know there are no answers. I know the sun rises and sets each day. I have glaucoma, I am alone. Simple facts. I know I am alone and I know how much I want a human being at the end of the day and I know much life I want to share intimately with another. Or simply even just a listening embrace. So.

FACT: I'm my own person, and people can say whatever they want. I'm still going to be the person that I am.

FACT: I am brave enough to live alone. I travel alone. I embark on projects alone. I get involved alone. Yes, I have invited people to join in on the journey, and few if none ever respond.


FACT: I am not the one people set up with others. I have had mutual friends set up another friend just shortly after they split up. Set them up, in front of me. I have witnessed the same done with one of my sisters. We are not the ones people set up.


FACT: I bring a lot to the table, and none if any are interested.


FACT: I have relocated my possessions some forty times in my life. I have a great job. I have a dandy acting gig. I have good friends. Moving is not in the cards just to see if the grass is greener. What? I don't like my upper arms, so just lop them off?


FACT: What is wrong with longing for love and intimacy, knowing that it will never be there?


FACT: I do not have a "pack" to which I belong. I am the lone wolf. The lone porcupine.

Rambling Ponders:
I know that I am undateable as I am an enigma, a pariah for being a Christian who is gay, and is extremely open and authentic with who I am. I will never have the life of love that Dad and Mom shared completely with each other for fifty-four years. Shew, at this point at the end of my 40s, do I even dare for 54 days, or even 54 minutes?

 I am comfortable with who I am. Hence, I live open and authentically. I am not comfortable with the notion of being the only one at my deathbed, or of not having a lover for whom to be at his deathbed.

Because North Dakota. No, I am not moving for the sake of love. I have moved my possessions some 40 odd times since graduating High School back in '84, returning to North Dakota in '98. I have a solid job of 11 years, I would be quite amiss to depart just for the sake of seeking greener pastures. North Dakota is a very conservative state, a vast majority of gays and lesbians want nothing to do with religion, and a majority find their social community involvement must solely require a barstool and/or a fling in the sheets. I know myself, I know life, and this is life, just as the sun rises and sets each and every single day.

I am my greatest critic. It just bites seeing all the other guys around this town getting into long-term relationships, what with what I have to bring to the table. Straight guys and women of any variety say that they would date me if they were on my side of the spectrum -- SGM. Nary a gay gent. Or hearing the 20-year-olds lamenting that they have been single forever and will never find anyone and will never survive.

So if anyone can say that they are unloveable, I know it is I. Yes, to give love is wonderful. Not to receive it back in kind, or to know it is not received, that is the reality that I know I am unloveable. 

Just venting and stating the facts. Not in need of any sympathetic pooh-poohs, grand advice, or such.