17 January 2017
Rambling Journal Entry #170117: So, minorities. Think about it a bit more.
30 December 2016
Five-year Summary Report * Years 2012-2016 * Kevin R. Tengesdal
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21 December 2016
together
your hand receives
my hands give
my heart yearns
your heart bleeds
my heart cares
my ears hear
your eyes see
my feet run
life hurts me
life wounds you
life becomes aware
together we battle
together we encourage
together we grow
giving
caring
running
aware
we grow
01 October 2016
Which Gospel
Here in 2016, the rally cries are loud and persistent. "Make America great again!" "Bring God back to our nation!" "We need Christian leaders!" Fundamentalists will have us to believe that we are a heathen nation heading to hell in a hand-basket. Yet, for many continuous years, a vast majority of our policy makers and shakers proudly wear the Christian moniker, often with an (R) attached to their name.
The American Christian Fundamentalism sect is just over a hundred years old. In the grand scheme of the ancient two-thousand years history of the Christian faith, it is but a newborn. Judaism, of which Jesus the Christ lived, originates in an Eastern philosophical mindset, completely foreign to a Western mindset. To me, the ACF too often carries itself as if it were a cult.
Lucy Patrick has commented: "Although we live in a democracy, cult behavior manifests itself in our unwillingness to question the judgment of our leaders, our tendency to devalue outsiders and to avoid dissent. We can overcome cult behavior, he says, by recognizing that we have dependency needs that are inappropriate for mature people, by increasing anti-authoritarian education, and by encouraging personal autonomy and the free exchange of ideas." [ https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cult]
From the vantage point of evangelical Christianity, one definition might be: A cult is a perversion of the gospel, based upon an unholy devotion to a person, a principle, or both.
"Cult behavior reflects the wish for a loving, accepting sibling group that is protected and cherished by a powerful, omnipotent parent. The problem with such a wish and its accompanying fantasy is that no human being can fill the role of the superparent, and adults can never again be children. To preserve the fantasy, reality must be distorted, because of this distortion, cult behavior results in a loss of realism." For many, the ACF was "initially very warm and loving, until it would reveal its cold, punitive side whenever someone questioned the [ACF] beliefs or behavior. Such dissent was labeled “selfish” or “evil,” and group approval was withdrawn and the dissenter isolated." [http://www.deikman.com/former.html]
It's as if the ACF wants God to fit in their definition of Him, and want to challenge any who dare to believe any different. How is it that they know that their infant belief system is greater than the whole history of the Christian religion? How is it that any other faith practice is deemed inferior?
God's grace and mercy is a mysterious gem with a myriad of unique facets waiting to be discovered. The hard-lined interpretation of the Bible should not be worshipped. The living Word of God is he who we are to emulate and follow. A strict literal following of Scripture by the ACF puts them in contrast to the compassion and welcome that Christ has asked us to share.
The Apostle Paul aptly reminds us, in the book of Galatians, "I am shocked that you are turning away so soon from God, who called you to himself through the loving mercy of Christ. You are following a different way that pretends to be the Good News, but is not the Good News at all. You are being fooled by those who deliberately twist the truth concerning Christ."
I am but another mere human with countless flaws, seeking to please God alone, following his grace. My question to followers within the ACF, which gospel is your life showing to the world? Would the world see Jesus the Christ in your condemnations, your judgements, your demanding conformity?
For now,
Kevin R. Tengesdal
16 September 2016
2016 Bismarck-Mandan Out of the Darkness Community Walk Address

Kevin R Tengesdal’s address with the 2016 Bismarck-Mandan Out of the Darkness Community Walk to help bring awareness to suicide attempts, depression, and PTSD, along with the stigma and silence of men and crisis mental health situations.
21 August 2016
This is My Ever-Growing Manifesto
18 June 2016
North Dakota Democratic-NPL State Delegate Selection Meeting Stump Speech
30 May 2016
Sunday night summarizing.
Rambling Afternoon Journal Entry #160531
Just like 99.999999% of the complete human population, I have strong trust issues.
24 May 2016
A Future to Believe In
Would we have a future to believe in?
What would the USA be like had Red Cloud quit his fight for Native American lands?
Would we have a future to believe in?
What would the USA be like had Susan B. Anthony quit her fight for women’s right to vote?
Would we have a future to believe in?
What would the USA be like had Unions quit their fight for better labor conditions?
Would we have a future to believe in?
What would the USA be like had Martin Luther King, Jr. quit his fight for black rights?
Would we have a future to believe in?
What would the USA be like had Dennis Banks and Russell Means quit their fight for the civil rights of Native Americans?
Would we have a future to believe in?
What would the USA be like had marriage activists quit their fight for marriage equality?
Would we have a future to believe in?
What will the USA be like if Bernie Sanders quit his fight for nomination?
Will we have a future to believe in?
11 May 2016
Coupled or Untethered
01 March 2016
With Apologies to Dr. Seuss
I am Sam
Sam I am
That Sam-I-am
That Sam-I-am!
I do not like
that Sam-I-am
Do you like
boobies and gam
16 February 2016
Soul Alive
15 February 2016
Weeping whimpers
You have seen the shadows in the fog.
Hidden remains the darkness, locked.
You have heard the whimpers in the fog.
Silenced remains the weeping, stifled.
Stifle the fog, lock the fog.
Unseen and unheard,
Remains clamoring light,
Erasing shadows.
13 February 2016
12 February 2016
Out of Context...
19 December 2015
Letters to the Editor
20 November 2015
What are we do with those we consider to be different from us?
11 October 2015
The Testimony -- Oct 11, 2015
28 September 2015
I must be an ambivert...
21 September 2015
Never Have I Ever
Been asked on a second date
Been a groomsmen
Been a godfather
Been married
Known that I was flirted on
Been arrested for a crime
Seen Mount Rushmore
Seen a Bond movie
Written a song
Traveled to all fifty states
Parachuted
Bungee jumping
Roller bladed
Been asked for my number
Kissed a frog
Had a secret admirer
Taken a lie detector test
Received a blood transfusion
Walked in on my parents
Attended a worship service other than Christian
07 September 2015
Open Book #150907
My Life is an Open Book Ramble #150907:
2011 - "Death" of an apartment, beginning in a new one. Rekindled a dark relationship with depression.
2012 - A sizeable chunk of old friends departed because of what I had become with depression and muck. Suicide came knocking several times. Invited in for visits a couple times.
2013 - A year with a few significant health traumas. Loneliness started courting me. Ended a thirty-plus-year dependent relationship with alcohol.
2014 - Living life without alcohol, emotions experienced life raw and not numbed. Continued the relationship with depression, and nurtured simultaneous relationships with social-anxiety and fear-of-life. Discovered a new church family who gave welcome.
2015 - Social-anxiety and fear-of-life began to grow into sizeable, controlling critters. Loneliness and I grew quite fond of each other. July was tough hearing the fundamentalist crowd chanting a war-cry against LGBT because of marriage equality.
Then August hit. Hard. A close friend kicked me out of town to go on vacation by myself. Alone. Lots of praying and thinking and wondering among those miles. Since that journey, dependence upon anxiety, fear of life, loneliness, muck, they have lost interest in me, and I in them.
The journey continues as I continue to purpose to live without them, without alcohol, without muck. I am grateful that God, his grace, mercies and mysteries have never left me, have never shook me off. I am glad for the old friends who have stayed. I am giddy with the new friends life has given me. I am going to be fine. It is not about me, but Christ in me.
26 August 2015
17 July 2015
God is Still in Control
10 May 2015
Mother's Day Memories
24 April 2015
Obituary - April 2015
06 April 2015
Rambling Journal Entry #150406
02 April 2015
My Life is An Open Book Ramble #150402
01 April 2015
The resounding toll of silence
26 March 2015
THE GAY AGENDA
THE GAY AGENDA: A tax-exempt gay community center in every city in America, preferably more than one. Mass mailings to every household inviting new recruits to said centers. Insist on the word "GAY" on all money, and in every National Anthem. Recruit only gay politicians to run the country. Door-to-door knocking campaigns to let potential recruits know that your gay club is the only club to attend. Specific rituals and initiations to become a member of the gay club. Über Gay personalities on every television channel recruiting more people to choose to become gay. Gay literature in every motel room across the country. If your interpretation and presentation of gay is not the same as others, divide said clubs into more exclusive clubs.
23 March 2015
SENATE BILL 2279 House Human Services Testimony
MONDAY, MARCH 23, 2015
SENATE BILL 2279: Relating to prohibition of discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation
Chairman Robin Weisz, Vice Chairman Curt Hofstad, Human Services Committee members and fellow citizens of North Dakota, Greetings. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share my story this morning.
My name is Kevin R. Tengesdal, a native of North Dakota now living in Bismarck.
08 March 2015
Rambling Rumination #150308:
23 February 2015
Celebrating 49 Trips
Well, that was a birthday weekend. Glad to be back to work this morning. Wow. Thank you, thank you, one and each and all for your notes, phone calls, emails, hugs and stuff. A "quick" recap:
13 February 2015
How I Remain Passionate
The OUTLoud Podcast - Season 1, Episode 1
From the podcast, here is the text for the remarks that I shared:
02 February 2015
SENATE BILL 2279 Testimony
25 January 2015
Friendly Friend
Just hear me out. No rebuttal or any thing. Yes, I do indeed have many acquaintances in the public realm eager to swarm me with a hug. The thing I have been longing for all my life is that one close close friend who drops in for nothing but to set a spell. Or to realize I am missing. This weekend, and many times, that fact is known. It is a known fact my corpse won't be found until after the fact. That is what I mean when I state that I long for a friendly friend. Carry on.
17 January 2015
The Greatest Grace
27 December 2014
Open Book Rambling Journal Entry #141227
Open Book Rambling Journal Entry #141227:
The end of 2011 through 2012 into 2013, one of my darkest and deepest dalliances with depression. Boozing, slicing, and attempting escapes. Many friends departed, several stuck closer.
Through 2013 into 2014, a time of purging and stripping me down to the core. Medical traumas and emotional roller coasters laid me bare and showed me who is there.
End of 2013 into 2014 was a departure from alcohol forcing me to experience life unnumbed. No more security blanket to hide me from myself and my anxieties. Meds, friends, and a kilt, have often helped.
Through 2014 has been a refreshing renewal and time of discovery. Rediscovering and renewing old relationships. Discovering and developing new friendships. Delving into deeper devotion of the Divine. Rejecting and removing myself of ruinous relations.
To name the many friends who have been there would be nice, but just know that I greatly value you for not giving up on me. To those of whom I have offended and grievously hurt, I know I can never apologize deeply enough to remove the wounds I gave you. Yes, I am sorry. To each of you one and all, I am so grateful to you for the life you have shown me; and I am ever grateful to God my Creator for all that has been, is, and will be.
Now let's get 2015 started in great anticipation! It will be my 49th after all. HUGS!
P.S. Yes, I am on the inside amidst the rubble ruminating about a revolution to revitalize and rebuild. If you while on the outside looking in see something I am missing, please speak up. Please?
25 November 2014
Thirty Days of Thanks 2014
21 November 2014
Before and/or During the 50th Year
21 October 2014
To the Gay Men Who Think They’ll Be Forever Alone
To the Gay Men Who Think They’ll Be Forever Alone
http://www.gayguys.com/2014/10/gay-men-think-theyll-forever-alone/
Again.
20 October 2014
Validation
I know I am important. I know God gives a hoot about me. Why then is validation from others such a crucial importance to me? To know I am necessary. To know I am desired. To know I am valid. Life. Meh. What about you?
17 October 2014
Ask
Autumn awakens
Sharp with rawness
Autumn shudders
Sunsets until wintertide
Autumn knows
16 October 2014
Autumned
Liquid gold sunrise ascending
Four corner winds howling
Crunchy variegated leaves tumbling
Autumn, active and alive
23 September 2014
Is being GAY a CHOICE?
My response after viewing this video: I know my story is not unique. When I was growing up in rural North Dakota in the '70s and '80s,
04 September 2014
Don’t be like that "Hollywood’s Nice Boy Elite" actor, boys – it’s bad for your health [Satire]
Yes, he’s a beautiful, intelligent, sensible, wealthy and successful individual who can do whatever he wants with his life.
01 September 2014
Live Free
26 August 2014
North Dakota: Legendary Among States
The Gallup poll released Monday was conducted from June to December of last year. It involved phone interviews with about 600 randomly sampled adults in every state.
22 August 2014
Five Days of Self Appreciation
Mary Mitchell tagged me in a reflective exercise "Three things I Like About Myself, for Five Days." I am to tag three others each day to join along, if they wish.
Day One of Five, Monday:
16 August 2014
humbled and tumbled
09 August 2014
Gratitude -- Five Day Challenge
From Monday, 04 August 2014 to Friday, 08 August 2014
Day 1 of 5 Positive Challenge
My three positives for today, Day One:
03 August 2014
02 August 2014
Gratitude -- Seven Day Challenge
From Sunday, 27 July 2014 to Saturday, 02 August 2014...
Day 1 of 7: Challenge yourself to be grateful for three things, for seven days, and invite three friends to join you.
01 August 2014
The Sum of Anxiety
Open Book Ramble #140801: What gives you the creepy-crawlies? Imagine a closed room full of them. Nerve wracking, eh? Imagine yourself in that closed room with them. They can't get to you. Imagine yourself in that closed room with them within an event that you so really enjoy. The creepy-crawlies are there, but you know they can't get to you, so you enjoy the event, but you know the creepy-crawlies are all around you. Exhausting? Draining?
06 June 2014
05 April 2014
Rambling Journal Entry #140405
31 March 2014
By the stroke of the weekend...
26 February 2014
Late Night Ramble #140226
25 February 2014
Ranting Ramble #140225
Kevin, just realize the simple fact. It's plain ol'
political posturing, the actions of desperate heteronormative cis-gender
folk. |
29 January 2014
Rambling Work Rumination #140129
30 December 2013
05 December 2013
Rambling Journal Entry 131205
16 November 2013
The Old Gay Man Ponders Entry 131116
02 November 2013
Rambling Rant Entry 131102
25 October 2013
Dear Mr. President Obama
Dear Mr. President,
14 October 2013
Rambling Journal Entry #131014
01 October 2013
26 September 2013
Rambling Journal Entry 130926
14 September 2013
Rambling Journal Entry 130914:
11 September 2013
An Open Book
That's why I put it all out there like an open book, and some people keep on reading, others shut the book, and others toss the book (-;
11 August 2013
Late Night Ramble 130811:
08 August 2013
Late Evening Rambling Rant 130808
22 July 2013
Crunch went the weekend...
So, last week I had posted on Facebook my wish to be kidnapped away for a long weekend anywhere. Friday morning, my cousin June Miller contacted me asking if I could take Monday off from work.
02 July 2013
20 June 2013
#cursedifidocursedifidont #passiveagressiveramble #130620
17 June 2013
12 June 2013
20 May 2013
An Open Ramble: Sodom & Gomorrah, Modern Disasters, and Fundamentalist/Evangelistic Preachers
This is an open ramble asking for your input.
04 May 2013
Emotional Ramble #130504
03 May 2013
The Month That Followed
The Month That Followed
01 April 2013
I spent a few days in the hospital
31 March 2013
By the stroke of the weekend...
27 March 2013
Philosophical Ramble 130327
18 March 2013
Twenty Five Years
16 March 2013
Rambling Journal Entry 130316
04 March 2013
Rambling Journal Entry 130304
05 February 2013
SENATE BILL 2252 Testimony
01 January 2013
12 December 2012
Rambling Disconnected Rant 121215
05 December 2012
What makes you happy to be gay?
30 November 2012
15 November 2012
Buy All The Presents!
“Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”
When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began to be filled with stress, panic and worry saying to one another, “Oh good grief, what are we supposed to buy for him? We need to find that perfect gift. The gift that will be so much better than all others! BUY ALL THE PRESENTS! Hurry! We must stampede the marketplaces in search of the greatest everything! We need an entire new wardrobe too! Can we remodel the house before too?”
Is that the true nature of the birth narrative? Is that what God was expecting for us in remembering the birth of His Son in human flesh on earth?
Luke 2:15-20 When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger. When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.
I have written in another post before: "The humble circumstances of the birth scene was quite appropriate for the One “who for our sakes became poor” (2 Corinthians 8:9). God was demonstrating true, eternal values in his arrangements for the incarnation of his Son, values that emphasized family relationships and being culturally relevant. As well, the circumstances of his birth imply that Yeshuah understands and identifies with the poverty in which most of the world lives today and always has lived. Finally, the simplicity of Yeshuah’s birth demonstrated the fact that though He was God in human body, He could be approached by anyone and would welcome all who would come to Him."
It's Christmas. Don't panic. Don't stress. Seek and enjoy the simplicity of the quiet of the Season to remember the birth of God With Us.



