The Testimony -- Oct 11, 2015

On a warm March day in 1988, there I was, a young 22-year old adventurer, standing alone on a sidewalk under the San Diego sun waiting for a bus. The Navy had just terminated my short career in the military by giving me an honorable discharge, and two intimidating military police unceremoniously escorted me off the base. Riding the bus to the airport as a rebranded civilian, I was ruminating and wondering who I was, where I was from, where I was going. A new chapter was starting in a journey, which began on a small-grains farm in North Dakota.

I must be an ambivert...

Reading through those lists of characteristics of introverts and extroverts, I have smattering of each in my personality characteristics...

Never Have I Ever

Been asked on a second date
Been a groomsmen
Been a godfather
Been married
Known that I was flirted on
Been arrested for a crime
Seen Mount Rushmore
Seen a Bond movie
Written a song
Traveled to all fifty states
Parachuted
Bungee jumping
Roller bladed
Been asked for my number
Kissed a frog
Had a secret admirer
Taken a lie detector test
Received a blood transfusion
Walked in on my parents
Attended a worship service other than Christian

Open Book #150907

My Life is an Open Book Ramble #150907:
2011 - "Death" of an apartment, beginning in a new one. Rekindled a dark relationship with depression.
2012 - A sizeable chunk of old friends departed because of what I had become with depression and muck. Suicide came knocking several times. Invited in for visits a couple times.
2013 - A year with a few significant health traumas. Loneliness started courting me. Ended a thirty-plus-year dependent relationship with alcohol.
2014 - Living life without alcohol, emotions experienced life raw and not numbed. Continued the relationship with depression, and nurtured simultaneous relationships with social-anxiety and fear-of-life. Discovered a new church family who gave welcome.
2015 - Social-anxiety and fear-of-life began to grow into sizeable, controlling critters. Loneliness and I grew quite fond of each other. July was tough hearing the fundamentalist crowd chanting a war-cry against LGBT because of marriage equality.
Then August hit. Hard. A close friend kicked me out of town to go on vacation by myself. Alone. Lots of praying and thinking and wondering among those miles. Since that journey, dependence upon anxiety, fear of life, loneliness, muck, they have lost interest in me, and I in them.
The journey continues as I continue to purpose to live without them, without alcohol, without muck. I am grateful that God, his grace, mercies and mysteries have never left me, have never shook me off. I am glad for the old friends who have stayed. I am giddy with the new friends life has given me. I am going to be fine. It is not about me, but Christ in me.

Yeah, it is visiting again.

So, thoughts have been ruminating. I enjoy life on my own.

God is Still in Control

Same-sex attractions and love have been throughout the course of world history. Today, we have become a religion worshiping scripture heralding the exclamation of "But the Bible says, or does not say..." as the primary modus operandi in which to judge someone different than us.

Mother's Day Memories

You know, being a confirmed bachelor who has lived many places, traveled many miles, it really has been a grateful life with the dozens of doting Moms who have nurtured me.

Obituary - April 2015

Kevin Roy Tengesdal [age], [Current Town], formerly of many places, has died [give full disclosure of death type and details].

Rambling Journal Entry #150406

Rambling Journal Entry #150406: I think there might a point or a question to this lengthy rambling, hope you can find it.

My Life is An Open Book Ramble #150402

My Life is An Open Book Ramble #150402: May I come clean, come out, and let you know the truth of the matter, the truth of my psyche? If not, please pass on, for the poop is about to get real and raw.

The resounding toll of silence

The resounding toll of silence slices deeper than a double-edge sword...

THE GAY AGENDA

THE GAY AGENDA: A tax-exempt gay community center in every city in America, preferably more than one. Mass mailings to every household inviting new recruits to said centers. Insist on the word "GAY" on all money, and in every National Anthem. Recruit only gay politicians to run the country. Door-to-door knocking campaigns to let potential recruits know that your gay club is the only club to attend. Specific rituals and initiations to become a member of the gay club. Über Gay personalities on every television channel recruiting more people to choose to become gay. Gay literature in every motel room across the country. If your interpretation and presentation of gay is not the same as others, divide said clubs into more exclusive clubs.

SENATE BILL 2279 House Human Services Testimony

HOUSE HUMAN SERVICES COMMITTEE
MONDAY, MARCH 23, 2015
SENATE BILL 2279: Relating to prohibition of discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation
Chairman Robin Weisz, Vice Chairman Curt Hofstad, Human Services Committee members and fellow citizens of North Dakota, Greetings. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share my story this morning.
My name is Kevin R. Tengesdal, a native of North Dakota now living in Bismarck.

Rambling Rumination #150308:

So, Jesus met a woman. Even asked for a drink from her. Yes. A woman. Even more scandalous was that she was a Samaritan and he was a Jew.

Celebrating 49 Trips

Rambling Journal Entry Weekend Recap #150223:

Well, that was a birthday weekend. Glad to be back to work this morning. Wow. Thank you, thank you, one and each and all for your notes, phone calls, emails, hugs and stuff. A "quick" recap:

How I Remain Passionate

Published on Feb 18, 2015

Join us as we talk to Jason Martozke, CHS Counselor, about supporting LGBTQ youth and his upcoming ND Counselors Association conference. We also talk with Rep. Joshua Boschee about SB2279 (which passed the Senate!) and why it's important to LGBTQ North Dakotans and their families, friends, and allies. Then we close the show with our series called Strength Through Stories. This episode features Kevin R. Tengesdal of Bismarck with "How I Remain Passionate."

The OUTLoud Podcast - Season 1, Episode 1

From the podcast, here is the text for the remarks that I shared:

SENATE BILL 2279 Testimony

SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2015

SENATE BILL 2279: Relating to prohibition of discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation

Chairman David Hogue, Vice Chairman Kelly M. Armstrong, Members of the Committee, and fellow citizens of North Dakota, Good Morning.

Friendly Friend

Just hear me out. No rebuttal or any thing. Yes, I do indeed have many acquaintances in the public realm eager to swarm me with a hug. The thing I have been longing for all my life is that one close close friend who drops in for nothing but to set a spell. Or to realize I am missing. This weekend, and many times, that fact is known. It is a known fact my corpse won't be found until after the fact. That is what I mean when I state that I long for a friendly friend. Carry on.

The Greatest Grace

 One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, “What commandment is the foremost of all?” Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘Hear, O Israel! The Lord our God is one Lord; and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” - Mark 12:28-31 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark12:28-31&version=NIV

Open Book Rambling Journal Entry #141227

Open Book Rambling Journal Entry #141227:

The end of 2011 through 2012 into 2013, one of my darkest and deepest dalliances with depression. Boozing, slicing, and attempting escapes. Many friends departed, several stuck closer.

Through 2013 into 2014, a time of purging and stripping me down to the core. Medical traumas and emotional roller coasters laid me bare and showed me who is there.

End of 2013 into 2014 was a departure from alcohol forcing me to experience life unnumbed. No more security blanket to hide me from myself and my anxieties. Meds, friends, and a kilt, have often helped.

Through 2014 has been a refreshing renewal and time of discovery. Rediscovering and renewing old relationships. Discovering and developing new friendships. Delving into deeper devotion of the Divine. Rejecting and removing myself of ruinous relations.

To name the many friends who have been there would be nice, but just know that I greatly value you for not giving up on me. To those of whom I have offended and grievously hurt, I know I can never apologize deeply enough to remove the wounds I gave you.  Yes, I am sorry. To each of you one and all, I am so grateful to you for the life you have shown me; and I am ever grateful to God my Creator for all that has been, is, and will be.

Now let's get 2015 started in great anticipation! It will be my 49th after all. HUGS!

P.S. Yes, I am on the inside amidst the rubble ruminating about a revolution to revitalize and rebuild. If you while on the outside looking in see something I am missing, please speak up. Please?