Open Book Rambling Journal Entry #141227

Open Book Rambling Journal Entry #141227:

The end of 2011 through 2012 into 2013, one of my darkest and deepest dalliances with depression. Boozing, slicing, and attempting escapes. Many friends departed, several stuck closer.

Through 2013 into 2014, a time of purging and stripping me down to the core. Medical traumas and emotional roller coasters laid me bare and showed me who is there.

End of 2013 into 2014 was a departure from alcohol forcing me to experience life unnumbed. No more security blanket to hide me from myself and my anxieties. Meds, friends, and a kilt, have often helped.

Through 2014 has been a refreshing renewal and time of discovery. Rediscovering and renewing old relationships. Discovering and developing new friendships. Delving into deeper devotion of the Divine. Rejecting and removing myself of ruinous relations.

To name the many friends who have been there would be nice, but just know that I greatly value you for not giving up on me. To those of whom I have offended and grievously hurt, I know I can never apologize deeply enough to remove the wounds I gave you.  Yes, I am sorry. To each of you one and all, I am so grateful to you for the life you have shown me; and I am ever grateful to God my Creator for all that has been, is, and will be.

Now let's get 2015 started in great anticipation! It will be my 49th after all. HUGS!

P.S. Yes, I am on the inside amidst the rubble ruminating about a revolution to revitalize and rebuild. If you while on the outside looking in see something I am missing, please speak up. Please?

Thirty Days of Thanks 2014

Each new day in November, challenge yourself to snap a new pic of some one, some thing, some place for which you are thankful.

Before and/or During the 50th Year

Here is a list, in absolutely no particular order, updated on random occasions, of goals and/or accomplishments that I would like to see happen before and/or during my 50th year, 2016:

To the Gay Men Who Think They’ll Be Forever Alone

To the Gay Men Who Think They’ll Be Forever Alone
http://www.gayguys.com/2014/10/gay-men-think-theyll-forever-alone/

Again.

Validation

I know I am important. I know God gives a hoot about me. Why then is validation from others such a crucial importance to me? To know I am necessary. To know I am desired. To know I am valid. Life. Meh. What about you?

Ask

Shrouded among grays
Autumn awakens

Sharp with rawness
Autumn shudders

Sunsets until wintertide
Autumn knows

Autumned

Liquid gold sunrise ascending
Four corner winds howling
Crunchy variegated leaves tumbling
Autumn, active and alive

Is being GAY a CHOICE?

My response after viewing this video:  I know my story is not unique. When I was growing up in rural North Dakota in the '70s and '80s,

Don’t be like that "Hollywood’s Nice Boy Elite" actor, boys – it’s bad for your health [Satire]

Do not let your sons grow up to be like that "Hollywood’s Nice Boy Elite" actor.

Yes, he’s a beautiful, intelligent, sensible, wealthy and successful individual who can do whatever he wants with his life.

Live Free

To every person who has lived a life suppressing your own same-sex attractions for fear of retributions from family, from society, from religion, from politics, STOP suppressing and start living.

North Dakota: Legendary Among States

BISMARCK TRIBUNE – North Dakotans are more satisfied than other Americans when it comes to their state’s economy, schools and overall standard of living, but the love affair fades on the subject of whether the state is a good place for racial minorities, immigrants and gay and lesbian people, according to a new poll.

The Gallup poll released Monday was conducted from June to December of last year. It involved phone interviews with about 600 randomly sampled adults in every state.

Five Days of Self Appreciation

Mary Mitchell tagged me in a reflective exercise "Three things I Like About Myself, for Five Days." I am to tag three others each day to join along, if they wish.

Day One of Five, Monday:

humbled and tumbled

hidden and timid

taunted and haunted

Gratitude -- Five Day Challenge

From Monday, 04 August 2014 to Friday, 08 August 2014

Day 1 of 5 Positive Challenge

My three positives for today, Day One:

community

community

the addled boy upon the corner

Gratitude -- Seven Day Challenge

From Sunday, 27 July 2014 to Saturday, 02 August 2014...

Day 1 of 7: Challenge yourself to be grateful for three things, for seven days, and invite three friends to join you.

The Sum of Anxiety

Open Book Ramble #140801: What gives you the creepy-crawlies? Imagine a closed room full of them. Nerve wracking, eh? Imagine yourself in that closed room with them. They can't get to you. Imagine yourself in that closed room with them within an event that you so really enjoy. The creepy-crawlies are there, but you know they can't get to you, so you enjoy the event, but you know the creepy-crawlies are all around you. Exhausting? Draining?

Slumber

Slumber
Slumber jolted harshly awake

Rambling Journal Entry #140405

Have you something that you love doing so much that people may deem you whacko? A'yup, me too. My career and my thespianism, those are my great blisses. Maybe it might be from 1 Corinthians 10:31 or Colossians 3:23, but I am grateful for these talents that YHWH has given me, and I am compelled to use them for His glory.

By the stroke of the weekend...

So, here's the story. First off, THANKS to y'all who made connections and compassion!